When I Grow Up


Its summers with  open areas, sun heating my face, I am out in the fields, playing all day long with a bunch of my friends quarreling over mangoes, pissing each other off , I then decided when I grow up I will never fight for mangoes.

With the school uniforms red and blue, a ribbon on my head and a stomach all fed. I walk to school with a bottle and lunch, I take out the wafers and start to munch. A friend of mine just snatched it away, took a full bite and started to sway, I then decided, when I grow up I will never share my wafers.

I like a dress and want to buy, asking penny from my mother and a bit too shy. She gives me the money and let me buy, she never asked me questions like, how and why. I showed to my best friends they never liked my dress, I dumped in the closet and put it under rest. I then decided when I grow up, I will never show my dresses to my best friends.

I am in my teens and hit the puberty, with many thoughts in mind I attain liberty. I have a boyfriend and this boy is dashing, spending most of my time with him, he has promised me to take swimming classes with me, that’s where our love lock  got a stronger key . He is changing the school in another city, listening to all this I started to pity. That’s where our story faded. I then decided when I grow up I will never let my guy go away from me.

I am always overloaded with home works and assignments, don’t like to cover my syllabus and mug up for exams, I then thought when I grow up I don’t have to submit my assignments, no home works no teachers , no scoldings no chasing marks. It is raining outside, I am in the college canteen, sipping my tea with a bunch of notes, ordered a samosa and waiting fest to start, seeing students rehearse and walls full of art, I then decided when I grow up I will make my office walls look so alive.

I am a grown up now, there are still summers but no quarreling over mangoes, I see mangoes rotten in my refrigerator , I don’t hear the squeaks, no naming each other, no running , no chasing  and no laughs from the lungs.

I am a grown up, I  go to office with the uniform on, take out the wafers and eat but I eat alone, no one to snatch it away, no one to tell me how does it taste or to tell me that I have a good choice. It’s me enjoying it all by myself like the way I have always thought when I wanted to grow up.

I am a grown up, I don’t ask money from my mother, buy the dresses and wear them, but there is no one around to dislike what I buy, no one to tell me how and why, no one to make fun if I look like a Cinderella or a clown in the gown, no one to tell me to put it in closet, like I thought when I wanted to grow up.

I am a grown up, and believe in love, holding on to love these days is very tough, I still spend time with my guy, but there is no promise of any classes together, there is no conversation of eternity forever, he lives nearby and there are no goodbyes, we are in same city with different priorities, we are together yet so far, he will not leave like I thought when I wanted to grow up.

I am a grown up, and working well, no more assignments and home works hovering over my head, it is just the laptop and 9 hours job, I forgot to sleep without a frown on my face, I wait for the Fridays to call it a weekend and find reasons to party away, like I thought when I wanted to grow up. It still rains outside, I sit with tea in the canteen, I order the samosa surrounded with people half asleep, no more rehearsals and the walls so pale, looks like a fancy corporate jail, this scenario is unimaginable I never  thought such when I wanted to grow up.

I never knew the pain the grownups take, it’s the countless sacrifices they eventually make, we have the energy, we are vivid, we are young and free, but don’t we miss the summer fields and that mango tree?

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